Facilitator Interview # 4 Part One- RON

Facilitator Interview 4-Part One- RON 1:30- 3:10 in school, home: 1:00-


Ron and I got together for about 2 hours. We began just chatting about stuff going on, and then I starting asking my questions for the interview.... Two hours later I had a half a page of notes and an intense feeling of enlightenment and change. However, I wasn't sure if I should include it in my research, as it was more about personal research and development than what it was intended to be. I spent the entire weekend thinking about it, and I decided that it is relevant to my research, but I have to kind of tell both sides of it to make it as relevant as possible. I need to explain my personal feelings about it, and it's role in our society.

I began our conversation by talking about voice. I wanted to hear Ron's perspective on voice in the Murphy Center. He told me that it was funny that I asked about voice because he is currently studying voice and he wanted to share his knowledge with me. He said he was going to show me a very deep quote, and he said it would take me awhile to understand it.

"Abundance must be approached from an understand that "I", or ego, can of itself do nothing, although it hypnotizes us in the illusion that it does a lot. It is the ability to instead turn your attention inward toward True Self or Universal Spirit that enables and empowers a consistent flow of abundance in your life. Positive affirmations will work to a certain degree, but only if spoken from True Self. If they are started from ego, or false 'self', its negative shadow aspect will eventually rise to the surface and create havoc with any progress made by these same affirmation. We need to address the ingrained negative beliefs first, or at least simultaneously with the positive, to experience any real success."

This quote hit me like a ton of bricks. It hit me in every aspect of my life. The way I operate and the way I believe in this theory is exact opposite.

Ron also talked about paradoxil intentions- how everything works in opposites; dark and light, hot and cold, up and down. He said when we have an idea or image we don't want, we push it to the back of our heads. It also works in opposites. If we have an image we do want we usually focus too hard on it and ultimately make it harder to obtain. For example, if you are laying in bed and you really want to get to sleep because you have a busy day tomorrow, instead of thinking about how much you want to get to sleep you should pretend you don't want to go to sleep and try to stay awake, and you'll find you fall asleep with much more ease. As with dreams, if you are taunted by a scary reoccuring dream and it causes you to be afraid and anxious, you may tend to try not to dream about those things as you fall asleep. This actually can cause you to dream more easily about what's causing you grief. If you try really hard to have this dream you will probably find as you practice this method your evil images will dissolve.

Another idea of everything working in opposites is when people try to encourage others to do "good things". If your positive affirmations aren't in line with their ingrained beliefs then they will only do good until those affirmations wear off. If you continue to tell someone that their lovely and they don't feel lovely themselves, they will continue to feel as if they aren't lovely until they themselves realize it. Also, if you're offering someone advice such as "You should get a job that give you more hours", if that advice doesn't fall in line with those persons ingrained beliefs they will just feel negatively about persistent advice. How the the speaker know they should do anything? How can you be 100% sure about what is right for someone else? You only know what I right for you (and sometimes not even then). Every individual is the only one who is in control of their actions. Offering love and support as opposed to solutions and unasked-for advice is the effective way to be a lover and a positive source of affection in someone's life.

Then Ron went back to talking about his voice. He said if I this was 10 years ago his voice would've been one of "strong encouragement" for people to do something. He felt as if he was working 10 times more than his students and in turn working against himself. "Either way you get results", he says. Now he strongly believes in accepting people as they are; unconditional acceptance. "You are perfect as you are." He feels people will work to the best of their ability in relation to the given time and circumstances if they want to do it for themselves. If someone is encouraging someone to do something they don't want to do then their hostility toward that thing will grow.

All of these theories and ideas I have experienced in many aspects of my life. In my relationship with Mike I've realized that I take his stresses and make them my stresses, and I constantly try to offer him solutions based on what I would do or I feel I should have done. I've realized this, and it's made me aware that all of the good intentions that I had to help Mike with his "problems" were actually just making him feel worse. What's been happening in my relationship has coincided with what Ron and I talked about. Mike has recently been talking about moving away to experience new things. He wants to go alone. He's recently been hostile with me and feeling depressed. I didn't realize it was my own good intentions that were doing this to him. I also didn't realize that things that he really feels strongly about-playing music, writing music- I don't feel strongly about, and I don't offer the right sympathy or love when he needs it. Now, to defend myself, I must tell you that my intentions were for the good of the both of us. I needed Mike to get a job, I needed him to get an education. I wanted him to be stress-free and happy, and I felt in my heart that if he did good things for himself then he'd feel better- and I still believe he would. But the key words in that statement are "for himself". If I am consistently nagging at him to do things (I try not to be negative about it, but he takes it that way because they aren't in line with his ingrained beliefs) than he's just going to feel more resentment towards it. I need to learn to step back and love him for him. I need to learn how to play my role as a lover and not a mother. I need to release his stresses from my conscience and allow myself and him some peace of mind.

It isn't only Mike that I do this to, it's pretty much everyone I care about. When I was 15 my dad told me that I always hurt the people that i care about, maybe this is what he meant....I do it to my brothers and Joey and my other friends. It's mostly when I see people making the same mistakes that I made, but I have to realize that they were mistakes in my life but they are different for everyone and I can't treat them as if they are my problems. It's been a pretty hard and confusing weekend. I am sad and mad at myself for virtually destroying my wonderful relationship with Mike. I am relieved because I am no longer going to allow other people's stresses to become my stresses. I am scared because I don't know if I can really do this. I am happy because I've been exposed to this whole new perspective at an early age and can perhaps save my future relationships with the things I am learning.

I also started thinking about all the things Ron and I talked about in regards to positive affirmations, but instead with me the "victim" of momentum of positive affirmation. All sorts of questions arose in my mind. Do I want to do biology? Do I love biology? Do I want to go to MUN? Do I feel I would enjoy a large school like that? What do I value more in life? I began to realized that all throughout my life I did things to allow people a certain perspective of me. I acted according to the way I thought people regarded me. Now I am here and I am conditioned to believe the ideas I've created, however I do not know if I am riding along on positive affirmations or if I will actually love this when all that fades away. My heart tells me to travel, to meet new people, to try new things and experience new cultures. The right side of my brain <*note to self: research this later> is telling me to pack up my things for a year or so, go travel and see if I can do it for me. The left side of my brain, the logical side, is telling me to go to MUN. It's telling me not to be silly.

So how does one figure out what they want to do? How do you make the final decision knowing and believing all of these things you've been enlightened to realize? I don't know... Do I just try it and if I don't like it take it as a learning experience and do something else? Do I go away first and then decide what I want to do? Do I spend time to learn about myself? Is it all a learning experience?... Yes it is. I know there is a lot of time in life to do all these things, but relevant for me at this given time in my life... I don't know.

I feel as if i haven't done this conversation justice at all. I cannot fully explain how strongly I feel about this. Maybe another time I will have some more ideas, more to say. But for now I'll just leave it at that. Ron and I decided that if we got together to meet again to actually try to answer the questionnaire, it probably wouldn't get anywhere because we'd go off topic again.. Although now I realize it's completely on topic. I've emailed Ron the questionnaire and he's going to fill it out, so I'll post part 2 when I get it.

Thanks for reading.
Linda