It's good to write these things down.. Another vent from me..

"Are you looking at him? Are you secretly longing for him? Did you sleep with him? Are you thinking about it? Are you faithful? Loyal? Trustworthy?" These questions are more like accusations. If you knew the answer, why would you need to ask? For two long years with more struggles than accomplishments, I have to ask myself... WHY am I still doing this? Two long years of monotony and acceptance and understanding and struggle. Why work so so so so so hard at something that just gets torn to shreds every time you feel insecure. I work hard to try to make sure you are cared for, housed, fed, clean, organized, on time, respected, cuddled. Yes you contribute, I'm not saying you don't. But if I weren't here you wouldn't have this home, you wouldn't have furniture, and this place would have gone to shit. I am a full-time student, a part-time cook, and a good sister and family member. I am struggling to make time to have a meaningful relationship because I want to be with you, but if you just want to throw out these false accusations causing damaging communication then I have to tell you, sorry, but this won't work like this. I am not sacrificing anything anymore for you. I am hanging out with the people I want to hang out with. I will go where I want to go. I will do what I want to do. If you can't handle that then get out now. I don't give you a reason to treat me like a liar, a cheater, a slut, or someone that would participate in the other numerous activities you accuse me of. It's offensive, hurtful, and makes me want to pull my hair out because... girl goes through hell to make things work, girl stresses everyday about it but puts of a happy face, girl gets accused and tormented and put blame on, girl shoots boy in the head.... Today I tried to emotionally murder you. I told you you would never ever have a successful relationship if you can't trust people. Sorry, but it's true.. No. I'm not sorry. DEAL WITH IT. I'm not sorry for anything I've done and I have NO FUCKING REASON to be so if you want a testimony, confession, apology or ANYTHING ELSE you better go somewhere else to FUCKING FIND IT.