An MSN conversation that got me thinkin....

Between me and my wonderful teacher/adviser/friend Trudy.

Linda needs a vacation. said:
I'm almost 20 years old and I haven't had a childhood. I've partied, had fun, but I've never had no responsibilities. I'm so sick of responsibility i could puke.

Trudy & Jason said:
What would your ideal no-responsibility life look like right now, if you could have it?

Linda needs a vacation. said:
Living with Mommy. No school. No bills. No debts. No man. Just me and my mommy and our kitties and the backyard. and paints and beads and crayons... and music that i like. and not feeling like i'm annoying when i want to be immature.

Trudy & Jason says:
That does sound like a vacation. By which I mean, I can't imagine you wanting to live like that indefinitely (though some people do) but I can see how it would be a nice break for awhile.
Linda needs a vacation. says:
uh huh

Linda needs a vacation. says:
and there's no drive pushing me to go to school right now. i hate the book we're reading. I don't want to sit in biology along. I hate the busride, and there's been no freaking word from my research team.. the research was really keeping me going but now it's like it's gone i dunno

Trudy & Jason says:
Well, you have 40 days till exams are over and you can put it all behind you forever. Why not focus on the most efficient way to get through those 40 days and plan how you can enjoy at least some elements of an irresponsible vacation once it's over?
Linda needs a vacation. says:
well i have been studying for exams and doing my questions and stuff. I'm not falling behind in my school work. I will do great on exams. But this summer, ughhhh, I have to work 2 full-time jobs this summer in order to pay off my debts and save a little bit before i go to mun

Linda needs a vacation. says:
mun is my sorrows demise

Linda needs a vacation. says:
or maybe TIME is

Linda needs a vacation. says:
i dont have enough time to do all this before mun starts

Trudy & Jason says:
I can see why that would make you feel pressured. How would you feel if you didn't start MUN in September? Would it give you more of a break to wait a semester, or would you feel like you were getting behind?

Trudy & Jason says:
By the way (tangent because I'm clearing papers off my desk) did I give you your mark on the research essay?

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I would love to wait a semester and work my ass off to have some money so i could live comfortabley and debt free. but the pressure is on now to start mun in september. my family is pressuring me.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
no

Linda needs a vacation. says:
oh yes

Trudy & Jason says:
88

Linda needs a vacation. says:
88 or something

Linda needs a vacation. says:
ya

Trudy & Jason says:
It's too bad your family is pressuring you, although I guess if it were one of my kids I'd be saying "Yeah you should start MUN as soon as possible" ... but you have to do what's best for you.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I know...

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I would LOVE to start in January

Trudy & Jason says:
I know what you mean about responsibility -- surprise! it doesn't get better as you get older -- the other day I was whining about how EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of my life I'm responsible for someone else, either work or family...

Linda needs a vacation. says:
yeah i know. but did you have a good childhood?

Linda needs a vacation. says:
i know my life is going to be filled with responsibilities, but it feels like i've missed out.

Trudy & Jason says:
...and while I love both those things and don't want to lose either, I think the idea of a "vacation," a temporary break, can keep you going sometimes, which is why I think you need to structure your time so you can give yourself a little break to look forward to.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
yeah

Trudy & Jason says:
Yes, I can see how you're feeling a sense of loss over some "carefree" time that you missed out on as a child.

Trudy & Jason says:
You can't recreate what you lost (and remember that with great power comes great responsibility, according to Spiderman's uncle, so if you give up responsibilities you lose power, which I doubt you'd like long term) ... but you can compensate for it.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I want to go to MUN in January so bad. I've thought about this before you mentioned it, don't worry. You haven't gone and put crazy ideas in my head.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I need compensation for a lot of things hahahaha

Trudy & Jason says:
But nobody will compensate you -- you have to figure out for yourself how to get what you need.
Trudy & Jason says:
Personally, the hope of a weekend in Eastport with my girlfriends this summer is what's keeping me going at the moment!

Linda needs a vacation. says:
unfortunately, i need money. i need to be debt free because im going to have enough stress to deal with without debts.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I can't vacation because that costs money. I have to save money, and pay rent and bills in the process.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
it's near impossible.

Trudy & Jason says:
That is difficult. But I doubt it's unsolvable for someone with your skills.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
School in January.... do you know the pros and cons?

Trudy & Jason says:
Pros and cons from what perspective?

Trudy & Jason says:
I don't think it makes much difference in terms of classes; all the first year classes would be offered in January just the same as in Sept.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
i would be a semester behind? but i would be ahead financially

Trudy & Jason says:
I'm not sure how much the concept of being a semester "behind" means in university -- might depend on what program you're going into. It would be worth a conversation with Kim, I think, since she'd have more specific info on how it might affect you.

Trudy & Jason says:
Being ahead financially and less stressed would improve your chances of success, I would think.
Linda needs a vacation. says:
me too.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
do you mind if i copy-paste this conversation into my blog?

Trudy & Jason says:
Sure, that's fine.

Trudy & Jason says:
(scrolling back to see if i said anything i don't want saved ...)

Trudy & Jason says:
no it's ok

Linda needs a vacation. says:
ok

Linda needs a vacation. says:
i do think i'd do way better in my first year at mun if i waws financially prepared

Linda needs a vacation. says:
and up to december at work its always busy so i could make lots of monney


Trudy & Jason says:
And the drawback is that your parents don't like this idea?

Linda needs a vacation. says:
my parents, my grandma, my aunts,

Trudy & Jason says:
Why do they think it's important for you to go in September? What's their reasoning?

Trudy & Jason says:
Looks like I have absolutely NOBODY here for history class...

Trudy & Jason says:
Only had Dempsey for English and we played Essay Boot Camp again...

Linda needs a vacation. says:
well dad says he doesn't want me to "fall out of learning".. ya know, whhen you dont go to school for awhile it can be harder...

gramma is shocked that i am still in high school, she's always at me.. i think mom and nanny would understand if i explained it to them, but then again people have been telling me to do it regardless of the financial burdens but i dont think they realize the capacity of my financial stress right now.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
oh yes, essay boot camp is good

Trudy & Jason says:
Yeah, it worked on Joey yesterday too ...

Trudy & Jason says:
I think parents have a real fear that if their kids don't head to university right after high school they will never go. I may be the same way when my kids are finishing high school, but from my experience now it seems far more likely that going to university when you're not ready ...

Trudy & Jason says:
(whether financially, or emotionally, or just don't know what you want to do with your education) is much more likely to lead to failure or dropout.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
i know.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
i wish my dad would understand this.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
and my gramma

Trudy & Jason says:
I'd rather see my kids take a year off to work or travel or volunteer or whatever and then go when they know what they're doing ... I say that NOW ...

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I'd like just to take a semester off to fix this money mess i've gotten myself into, and to save up so i can still live comfortably

Linda needs a vacation. says:
and if i dont start mun in September i dunno if Morgan can hire me

Linda needs a vacation. says:
but i haven't heard from her in weeks so I'm feeling kind of abandoned

Trudy & Jason says:
Wasn't Morgan away for awhile? I think she's back now though because she was here yesterday.

Trudy & Jason says:
It would be interesting to hear Morgan's thoughts on going to MUN in January rather than September too -- from a more "university" perspective -- as well as how that would affect her hiring you.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
she was there yesterday????/

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I wonder if it was for a meeting or not.

Trudy & Jason says:
Not for the research group though ... meeting with Anne and someone else from outside about something.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
oh ok

Linda needs a vacation. says:
ya she was away, but i've emailed her and blogged and asked ann a bajillion times

Trudy & Jason says:
I think there is supposed to be something going on next week (Tuesday?) about the lounge painting project though, speaking of things you wouldn't want to miss.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
Oh really, ok thanks for letting me know.

Trudy & Jason says:
That's if the person Ann is bringing in can make it ... I was just talking to her about it and she said Tuesday.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
oh ok

Linda needs a vacation. says:
cool

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I don't think Morgan and Ann know the seriousness of contacting people in the group

Trudy & Jason says:
How do you mean?

Linda needs a vacation. says:
for them, when the group isn't on the go they have other things to deal with, other obligations, but for people like me who sit at home and check blogger every 20 minutes to see if there's any updates, i mean, if they don't contact me or fall behind it really effects me because this research group is the most significant thing in my life right now.. ya know what i mean?

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I've been logging hours and doing work because Morgan told me to (log the hours), and i haven't heard from her since. none of my stuff has been even looked at.

Trudy & Jason says:
Yes, but I think you need to let THEM know that ... I don't think they realize how important it is to you right now. Because, as you said, they do have a lot else going on.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
Well I mean, when you start something as radical as this, when you tell a group of youth that they CAN make a difference and everything is going well and there's a steady flow to things, when people look forward to going and use it as a reason to get up in the morning, well then if it diminishes so does my feeling of self worth.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
they should be aware of this when dealing with youth, it's new and exciting to us, and fragile.

Trudy & Jason says:
Maybe they overestimate your resilience. But it sounds like a perfect opportunity to be your own advocate.

Linda needs a vacation. says:
meh

Linda needs a vacation. says:
I don't understand




I'm so utterly confused and stressed out. I want to start school in January. I've been schooling for 2 years FLAT OUT now and I need a break! I need money. MOney money money.

*sighhh*