14.12.08
It's good to write these things down.. Another vent from me..
"Are you looking at him? Are you secretly longing for him? Did you sleep with him? Are you thinking about it? Are you faithful? Loyal? Trustworthy?" These questions are more like accusations. If you knew the answer, why would you need to ask? For two long years with more struggles than accomplishments, I have to ask myself... WHY am I still doing this? Two long years of monotony and acceptance and understanding and struggle. Why work so so so so so hard at something that just gets torn to shreds every time you feel insecure. I work hard to try to make sure you are cared for, housed, fed, clean, organized, on time, respected, cuddled. Yes you contribute, I'm not saying you don't. But if I weren't here you wouldn't have this home, you wouldn't have furniture, and this place would have gone to shit. I am a full-time student, a part-time cook, and a good sister and family member. I am struggling to make time to have a meaningful relationship because I want to be with you, but if you just want to throw out these false accusations causing damaging communication then I have to tell you, sorry, but this won't work like this. I am not sacrificing anything anymore for you. I am hanging out with the people I want to hang out with. I will go where I want to go. I will do what I want to do. If you can't handle that then get out now. I don't give you a reason to treat me like a liar, a cheater, a slut, or someone that would participate in the other numerous activities you accuse me of. It's offensive, hurtful, and makes me want to pull my hair out because... girl goes through hell to make things work, girl stresses everyday about it but puts of a happy face, girl gets accused and tormented and put blame on, girl shoots boy in the head.... Today I tried to emotionally murder you. I told you you would never ever have a successful relationship if you can't trust people. Sorry, but it's true.. No. I'm not sorry. DEAL WITH IT. I'm not sorry for anything I've done and I have NO FUCKING REASON to be so if you want a testimony, confession, apology or ANYTHING ELSE you better go somewhere else to FUCKING FIND IT.
9.12.08
Weird...
Yesterday after I ranted about my hostility toward my boss and relationship I was studying for my Human Kinetics and Recreation final and I came across a section that kind of scared me. Cardiovascular disease is caused by a lot of things in my life. Stress, alcohol, smoking, inactivity, obesity, and even chronic hostility or anger. When I read the words "chronic hostility" I immediately realized that's something that I am cursed with at the present moment. It's making me lose a great position in a job that I (usually) love.
I obviously have anger/emotional problems. I'm hoping this break will do me some good. I'm going to use it as an emotional & psychological retreat. I'm going to rejuvenate and replenish myself.
I obviously have anger/emotional problems. I'm hoping this break will do me some good. I'm going to use it as an emotional & psychological retreat. I'm going to rejuvenate and replenish myself.
8.12.08
Anger
Nine more days until I go to the Sault. I cannot wait to get a break away from all of this. Away from my house, my relationship, my job, everything. I just need a break. I hate how sometimes people consider "breaks" to be a negative thing. Can't I feel overwhelmed by it all without being considered hateful towards it? I need to be with my family to have time to figure things out. I know what I am going to do about school, but I am having issues with two big significant parts of my life- me as a research and me as a partner. I want to focus on my studies and I do not have the time to be in a relationship. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose the one I have or hurt the person who I love, but I cannot be fully focused on contributing. My second issue stems from a personal anger and hostility I am feeling toward my boss. I am feeling resentment towards my research group and really really do not want to continue to be involved. It is so bad to say because she has done nothing but good for me.. Ann reassured me and said, "No Linda, you are not a bad person. You are a human." I can't shake the guilt of not wanting to be around her... It's a confusing time and I hope a month out of this fucking city will help me get my head straight..
xxx.
xxx.
27.11.08
Girl
You pushed me to my limit
And now I've gone away.
You told me she was different
Than I'd seen yesterday.
You lied behind those cold, cold eyes
You are now my sorrow's demise
Why did I trust your lies?
Your words seemed truer than her cries.
And now I've gone away.
You told me she was different
Than I'd seen yesterday.
You lied behind those cold, cold eyes
You are now my sorrow's demise
Why did I trust your lies?
Your words seemed truer than her cries.
26.11.08
Amazing poetry
http://bluekaffee.com/writings.php?mode=1&user=1497
My friend Beth writes amazing poetry. Check it out.
My friend Beth writes amazing poetry. Check it out.
23.11.08
Poetry Essay.... What would you grade it???
Linda Brown
Dr. Gerard Collins
English 1080
A Critical Analysis for the Poem “Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night”
“Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night” by Dylan Thomas is from the perspective of a son to his father. Using examples of wise, good, wild and grave men, the speaker is trying to convince his father that, although each man is different, each faces the “dying of the light”, physical or emotional blindness, with the same resistance. He wants his father to resist as well.
In this poem, emotional blindness is a lack of emotions or feelings, and because life is comprised of these things we can further say that emotional blindness is a man’s inability to absorb life. The word “light” emphasizes the concept of losing sight. Light is what enables one to see and without it we could not. “Dying of the light” could indicate the inability to see the positive, bright things in life. The speaker is trying to show his father that he should never become emotionally numb, even if his father is “on a sad height”, or, is dealing with an emotionally blinding experience.
The wise men do not give up on life even if their words have “forked no lightning;” their words have not caused anything brilliant or wondrous to spread. The good men do not succumb to emotional darkness even when their “frail deeds” were not powerful enough to dance, or cause celebration, in a “green bay,” or their worlds, societies or environments. The speaker uses examples of men to show his father that all of them, regardless of their situation, do not let go of life so easily.
The poem’s diction creates contrast within each stanza to show that despite the opposites presented, each stanza ends the same. This structure reinforces the theme of striving to stay emotionally alive under all circumstances by showing that men should choose to resist when blindness approaches, and struggle to emotionally survive . There are beautiful, positive words, and dark, sorrowful words. Some words that give evidence to this are “bright”, “danced”, “sang” and “gay”, contrasted with “frail”, “grieved”, and “death”, each stanza ending with either of the repeated lines stating men should not lose connection with their emotional lives, whether internal, interpersonal or external.
The last stanza in this poem is especially significant. The speaker says, “Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.” This line indicates that the speaker wishes to be cursed and blessed with his father’s sorrows. Cursed because the tears indicate his father has now accepted that his life is forever changed, and this may be a hard realization, and blessed, for the same reason, and that they can now move forward and continue living life. He not only wishes, but prays, that his father will let the burdens be carried by him so he can continue to live. It is at this point the reader realizes the speaker‘s message. The two lines that have been repeated throughout the poem end this stanza, as a somewhat desperate plea to his feather to “rage against the dying of the light.”
Dr. Gerard Collins
English 1080
A Critical Analysis for the Poem “Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night”
“Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night” by Dylan Thomas is from the perspective of a son to his father. Using examples of wise, good, wild and grave men, the speaker is trying to convince his father that, although each man is different, each faces the “dying of the light”, physical or emotional blindness, with the same resistance. He wants his father to resist as well.
In this poem, emotional blindness is a lack of emotions or feelings, and because life is comprised of these things we can further say that emotional blindness is a man’s inability to absorb life. The word “light” emphasizes the concept of losing sight. Light is what enables one to see and without it we could not. “Dying of the light” could indicate the inability to see the positive, bright things in life. The speaker is trying to show his father that he should never become emotionally numb, even if his father is “on a sad height”, or, is dealing with an emotionally blinding experience.
The wise men do not give up on life even if their words have “forked no lightning;” their words have not caused anything brilliant or wondrous to spread. The good men do not succumb to emotional darkness even when their “frail deeds” were not powerful enough to dance, or cause celebration, in a “green bay,” or their worlds, societies or environments. The speaker uses examples of men to show his father that all of them, regardless of their situation, do not let go of life so easily.
The poem’s diction creates contrast within each stanza to show that despite the opposites presented, each stanza ends the same. This structure reinforces the theme of striving to stay emotionally alive under all circumstances by showing that men should choose to resist when blindness approaches, and struggle to emotionally survive . There are beautiful, positive words, and dark, sorrowful words. Some words that give evidence to this are “bright”, “danced”, “sang” and “gay”, contrasted with “frail”, “grieved”, and “death”, each stanza ending with either of the repeated lines stating men should not lose connection with their emotional lives, whether internal, interpersonal or external.
The last stanza in this poem is especially significant. The speaker says, “Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.” This line indicates that the speaker wishes to be cursed and blessed with his father’s sorrows. Cursed because the tears indicate his father has now accepted that his life is forever changed, and this may be a hard realization, and blessed, for the same reason, and that they can now move forward and continue living life. He not only wishes, but prays, that his father will let the burdens be carried by him so he can continue to live. It is at this point the reader realizes the speaker‘s message. The two lines that have been repeated throughout the poem end this stanza, as a somewhat desperate plea to his feather to “rage against the dying of the light.”
18.11.08
Entry Number 50!
Since I am studying poetry in English 1080 right now I thought I'd post a poem that I wrote last year.
War Criminals
Did you hear the gunshot across the field?
I sense that it is time for us to go.
I did not think it was so hard to yield
The final contract, was confirmed and sealed.
Was I prepared to feel the final blow?
Did you see the gunshot across the field?
The bodies kept falling and being wheeled
Destruction struck us like a savage throw
I didn’t know it was so hard to yield.
And now to our own court we have appealed.
Us criminals of war will suffer so.
I did hear the gunshot across the field.
Our brothers’ graves are where we are found kneeled
As if we are the victims of sorrow
I didn’t think it was so hard to yield.
Of dignity and honour we’ve been peeled.
The blood of loved ones lost will always flow.
Did you hear the gunshot across the field?
I didn’t think it was so hard to yield.
War Criminals
Did you hear the gunshot across the field?
I sense that it is time for us to go.
I did not think it was so hard to yield
The final contract, was confirmed and sealed.
Was I prepared to feel the final blow?
Did you see the gunshot across the field?
The bodies kept falling and being wheeled
Destruction struck us like a savage throw
I didn’t know it was so hard to yield.
And now to our own court we have appealed.
Us criminals of war will suffer so.
I did hear the gunshot across the field.
Our brothers’ graves are where we are found kneeled
As if we are the victims of sorrow
I didn’t think it was so hard to yield.
Of dignity and honour we’ve been peeled.
The blood of loved ones lost will always flow.
Did you hear the gunshot across the field?
I didn’t think it was so hard to yield.
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