Linda's Hot & Sour Tiger Shrimp Soup

20 large tiger prawns in shells
2 chilies
6 lime leaves
4 large pieces of lemongrass stalk
chili powder
basil
cayenne
paprika
salt
peas
1 full leek
minute rice

----
de-shell prawns and put shells into a pot with lemongrass, chilies, lime leaves and leek green.. boil for 20 minutes. drain juice into bowl and throw out solids.

saute 1 small onion and leek whites until sweating. add 1 can tomato paste and 1 can of tomato sauce. add lots of cayenne, chili powder, basil and paprika. add shrimp stock. boil for 5 mins. add rice and salt. boil for 5 minutes. add shrimp and peas. mmmmm good.

A Crazy Trip

I was in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario from December 17th until January 6th. Flew into the Pearson International Airport in Mississauga at 11:45am on the 6th and met Tron, who just witnessed a few Team Canada players getting swarmed by paparazzi. We then began our drive: final destination- Times Square, Manhattan, NYC. On the way we stopped into California Sandwiches and got these HUGE veal sandwiches. They are so good I get them every time I'm there. Along the trip we stopped in to a plaza in Buffalo and did a little bit of shopping. Then we ended up in Albany, New York's capital city. We stayed at the Holiday Inn and drank and hung out. The next day we continued our trip to Manhattan. Crossing the George Washington Bridge is spectacular. Such a beautiful site especially in the winter. I was completely flabbergasted by the enormity of the buildings, and the over-blow architecture. I started to cry! We got to the Millennium Hotel & Suites after driving around the crazy one-way streets for awhile. Our room is on the 28th floor, so as we're going up, our ears pop. It's like being in an airplane. (Eventually we spend a drunken hour one evening riding up to the 52nd floor and then all the way down to the ground... kinda like Drop Zone, for free! ;) ) Exploring New York City was fabulous, although a lot of stimuli to take in all at once. From the loud, crazy traffic to the stund pedestrians to the guys every 10 feet trying... persisting that you buy their comedy tickets and theirs is "the best one in town" with the "cheapest drinks" and the one we already bought tickets to is a dive.. So needless to say we bought about $60 worth of comedy club tickets and only went to one- ARTIE LANGE. I didn't know who Artie Lange was before this, and I'm not sure if he was even funny or if I was just really drunk, but I had a great time. We also went to the Ripley's Museum and Madame Tussands House of Wax which was so cool. The diners, cafes and restaurants in Times Square is wonderful. Everything is so elaborate. My favourite place was called Pax, and when you go in there are all different kinds of Pizzas, wonderful, delicious pizzas, all pre-made sandwiches and paninis, and desserts.. mmmm the desserts.. We also ate at an Irish Pub, had fish and chips.. It wasn't Newfoundland but it was good. I've been drinking around the places that don't card me. It's weird not being legal. I have a lot more to say but for now I must go. Today we drove from Manhattan to here, Utica, and it's fun.. Drinking and watching Men In Black in a little hotel room. Catcha lates.

A Tribute to Those Passed

A million times I've needed you, a million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly, in death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place no one could ever fill.
The Golden Gates stood open, He saw you needed rest.
God's garden must be beautiful, because he always picks the best.

Harry Brown II
Chad Mercer
Adam White
Sara Clarke
Andrew Winsor
Robyn Peddle

Rest in Peace, always.

Christmas Greetings from Sault Ste Marie

Well 'tis the season to be jolly, to give, and eat and eat and eat. Especially here in the Sault, where I'm sure 80% of the population are Italians. In case you don't know, Italians find it insulting when you deny any type of food that they offer you. Like the book "Eat, Pray and Love" that (like the other 10 books I'm reading) I've gotten half-way through, Italians love to bake you cookies, make pasta, pinch your cheeks and force wine upon you (although you can't "rape" the willing!)

I am into day 3 of my trip to the Sault. I've spent most of the time hanging with my Gramma and I'm having a blast. She is one super lady. Today her and I are going to Michigan to shop and have dinner at Applebees! You can smoke in there, but I'm sure we'll sit in non-smoking because she recently quit (yay, Gram!)

It's nice to be away, leaving all my responsibilities, stresses, and debts at home. This feels like home. I wish I could stay! But, the Sault is a dead town with a great lack of jobs and doctors. Family is everything here, which is wonderful, but it would be hard for a young person like me to make a life here. Maybe when I'm old and settled, but not now.

I miss Mike and Mom and the boys and Dad (although a break from them is nice, too). I'm going to miss out on Dooley's parties (which are the best) and New Years fireworks on my balcony and a lot of potential work and dolla dolla bills. But to be here with my family and to help them and love them is the best Christmas gift of all. Will is a little over 4 months now and he's really taken a liking to me. He usually gets strange with people, but not me! We have a soul connection, born on the same day exactly 20 years apart. The first grandchild and the last. What are the odds of that, eh? ;)

My trip here has helped me appreciate my relationship with Mike is more than one way. I can't wait to show him all the pictures and hug him and kiss him and let him love me. Oh how he loves me. It's such a great feeling to know that Mike is loyal and thinking of me. I could just cry I'm so happy. I wanted to be in love again and I was hoping this trip would help. It's only day three and I've had so many great thoughts and realizations and I know it's going to be wonderful when I get home.

*knock on wood*

Mommy just got online. She's mad at me because I was upset and said her and Jim weren't in love. I honestly don't believe they have "true love" like she thinks, because "they fight they break up, they kiss they make up", like foolish youngsters.. She told me I have a lot to learn about love. I think I know more than does, but it's not a competition.

xxx

It's good to write these things down.. Another vent from me..

"Are you looking at him? Are you secretly longing for him? Did you sleep with him? Are you thinking about it? Are you faithful? Loyal? Trustworthy?" These questions are more like accusations. If you knew the answer, why would you need to ask? For two long years with more struggles than accomplishments, I have to ask myself... WHY am I still doing this? Two long years of monotony and acceptance and understanding and struggle. Why work so so so so so hard at something that just gets torn to shreds every time you feel insecure. I work hard to try to make sure you are cared for, housed, fed, clean, organized, on time, respected, cuddled. Yes you contribute, I'm not saying you don't. But if I weren't here you wouldn't have this home, you wouldn't have furniture, and this place would have gone to shit. I am a full-time student, a part-time cook, and a good sister and family member. I am struggling to make time to have a meaningful relationship because I want to be with you, but if you just want to throw out these false accusations causing damaging communication then I have to tell you, sorry, but this won't work like this. I am not sacrificing anything anymore for you. I am hanging out with the people I want to hang out with. I will go where I want to go. I will do what I want to do. If you can't handle that then get out now. I don't give you a reason to treat me like a liar, a cheater, a slut, or someone that would participate in the other numerous activities you accuse me of. It's offensive, hurtful, and makes me want to pull my hair out because... girl goes through hell to make things work, girl stresses everyday about it but puts of a happy face, girl gets accused and tormented and put blame on, girl shoots boy in the head.... Today I tried to emotionally murder you. I told you you would never ever have a successful relationship if you can't trust people. Sorry, but it's true.. No. I'm not sorry. DEAL WITH IT. I'm not sorry for anything I've done and I have NO FUCKING REASON to be so if you want a testimony, confession, apology or ANYTHING ELSE you better go somewhere else to FUCKING FIND IT.

Weird...

Yesterday after I ranted about my hostility toward my boss and relationship I was studying for my Human Kinetics and Recreation final and I came across a section that kind of scared me. Cardiovascular disease is caused by a lot of things in my life. Stress, alcohol, smoking, inactivity, obesity, and even chronic hostility or anger. When I read the words "chronic hostility" I immediately realized that's something that I am cursed with at the present moment. It's making me lose a great position in a job that I (usually) love.

I obviously have anger/emotional problems. I'm hoping this break will do me some good. I'm going to use it as an emotional & psychological retreat. I'm going to rejuvenate and replenish myself.

Anger

Nine more days until I go to the Sault. I cannot wait to get a break away from all of this. Away from my house, my relationship, my job, everything. I just need a break. I hate how sometimes people consider "breaks" to be a negative thing. Can't I feel overwhelmed by it all without being considered hateful towards it? I need to be with my family to have time to figure things out. I know what I am going to do about school, but I am having issues with two big significant parts of my life- me as a research and me as a partner. I want to focus on my studies and I do not have the time to be in a relationship. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose the one I have or hurt the person who I love, but I cannot be fully focused on contributing. My second issue stems from a personal anger and hostility I am feeling toward my boss. I am feeling resentment towards my research group and really really do not want to continue to be involved. It is so bad to say because she has done nothing but good for me.. Ann reassured me and said, "No Linda, you are not a bad person. You are a human." I can't shake the guilt of not wanting to be around her... It's a confusing time and I hope a month out of this fucking city will help me get my head straight..

xxx.